Oh how I love Christmas songs!

I'm a member of the student choir here in my ward and we've been preparing songs for our Christmas concert next week. Our director is fluent in polish and is having us do 4 traditional polish carols, even though we're singing them in english. One of them happens to be my new current favorite Christmas carol. It's called At Quiet Midnight. The third verse is especially what pulls at my heart:

Welcome, o Savior, long desired of old
Four thousand years your coming was foretold
Kings and prophets are elated
For this night they long have waited
Christ is born, rejoice! Christ is born, rejoice!

It's beautiful, especially when you sing it with a choir at night looking from our auditorium onto the lit up city of Jerusalem. This is the most popular, beloved Christmas carol in Poland- and for good reason too.

Another one we're singing (not a polish one) is Lo, How a Rose. It's more well known I believe. It's beautiful, I recommend finding a recording of it somehow.

Lessons

So here I am, sitting on the 6th floor of this beautiful building I call home in the East City of Jerusalem, and I'm beginning to reminisce a little on the last 3 months. I still have three weeks left here, but it's never too soon to think back on even recent memories and appreciate what I have, right?

I've been thinking a little about what I've learned here. I've learned more deeply that there is opposition in all things. There is so much hate in this world. I have seen that first hand, and been ushered out of the Old City of Jerusalem by phone calls from our security because of it. I have seen it on the internet news updates as I sit about a mile from the heart and most central location of this hate- the Temple Mount. But because there is so much hate, there is that much, if not more love in this city, this country. I see it in the eyes and actions of each student here as we make friends on the streets with shopkeepers or arab children. I see it in the words of our teachers and church leaders here as they urge us to be educated so that we may be unbiased to the situation. I also see it in people like Daniel Seidamann, our guest teacher today, a Jew, (albeit an American one) who spends his entire life in effort of helping to bring about peace in Jerusalem, including giving Palestinians, the enemies to Jews, back some of their land. The Lord is our light, there is in His sight no darkness at all. I've learned that there is no such thing as "hopeless" in this world.

I have also learned better what it means to be a disciple of Christ, and I'm trying every day to become one. It's following Jesus no matter what you want, it's loving the people around you no matter how they feel about you, it's quickly forgiving someone who made you care and then made you cry by showing they don't care nearly as much as you thought. These are things I hope I can continue to implement in my life even when I am away from this place.

I guess most of all though that I've learned for myself, so strongly that I could never begin to deny it, that Jesus Christ is real. I haven't learned that from visiting a place like the Garden Tomb, I've learned it from prayer, proper scripture study, reading my patriarchal blessing, singing hymns, all in places like the Garden Tomb. Because I have shown I want to know, the spirit has given me such sweet witnesses of what I already believe to be true, but can now feel like a fire within me.

Being in the Holy Land, literally walking in some places He did, spending personal time by the shores of Galilee, the place He loved so much, I have had the opportunity to focus my entire life these last months on my relationship with my Savior, and that is why I know He lives. He loves me and knows me personally. I had an experience at Galilee where I went to pray at night aloud by the shore, tears streaming down my face, and the part of my prayer that I was hoping and needing to be answered most at the time was answered, literally minutes later. It wasn't a coincidence, or that someone happened to be in a happier mood, my Heavenly Father just decided to give me a small, tender mercy- I like to think as a blessing for knowing so strongly that He hears and answers prayers.

Friends! I've learned to love this gospel, my Savior, and my Heavenly Father more than I thought was possible these last three months. I guess that's really all I wanted to share. My friend asked me at our Thanksgiving dinner what I was thankful for this year, and what came to mind most clearly was my testimony. I'm so thankful for my testimony, and may I always have the chance to share it, even without words as we've had to learn to do here.

This is my new favorite hymn. It came to mind every time I walked to the shore of Galilee and looked at its waters and thought of the literally countless miracles Christ performed there. Hymn #86. I encourage you to open up your hymnbook and study the words, don't just read them.

How did I deserve this?

So last night I FINALLY made it to Jerusalem. Words truly cannot explain the love I have for this city and not only what I feel when I look at it, but everything that comes to mind when I do. I love its diversity. It obviously causes conflicts, but it's just so dang cool to walk down the street and see Orthodox this and that, including people like monks, and start to understand things about them and their religion that is completely the center of their lives. No wonder they live in Jerusalem.

Our dorms all have balconies that overlook the city. As do all the other floors and rooms on that side of the building. Last night when we got to the Center we had dinner and then a lot of us went out onto a big balcony outside our cafeteria, stood in a line so that we each had a great view, and reverently looked in awe at the city as the sun set behind it. Right as the sun went down the call to prayer for that time of day started. One of the loudspeakers that someone does it through is just a short walk away from us to the south. It's the most incredible thing to listen to a male voice chanting the call to prayer over a loudspeaker for the whole city to hear. It lasts a good long while, so we continued to watch the city grow dark as we as all had that incredible experience. I wish you were here to at least see that. It made 27 hours of traveling worth it in an instant. I'm sure every single one of us had goosebumps at some point that night (if not the whole night), as we looked at Jerusalem and walked through our completely gorgeous, incredible new home.

I just finished doing a little studying for Old Testament, and now I'm going to go out on my own personal balcony and write a little more in my journal as I look over arguably the most incredible city ever built.

I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it. There are no words.
I am truly blessed.

Old Books

My family has inherited a bunch of old books belonging to my great-grandparents ever since my last grandparent died a year ago February. We have probably 50 or 60 of them, some of them printed as recently as the '50s and '60s, but some very close to the beginning of last century. They're beautiful, all hardcovers like books used to be made, almost all have cool black and white illustrations, and the pages on many books are yellowing. I love it. I got to go through all the books and mark which ones I would be interested in having passed into my possesion. They have to go to quite a few grandkids and other family members so I won't get all of the ones I want... luckily my oldest brother and I are the ones most interested in all these old books.

One of my favorites is the Grimms' Fairy Tales. Disney and modern culture have taken some of these stories and made them happier with less frightful occurances than the original Grimm stories. They have gone through some changes since the original stories were written to make them less scary and gory, but much to my pleasure, this version seems to be very close to the original story. For example Cinderella's step-sisters cut off their heels and toes to fit into the slipper, and there is blood everywhere. How silly. But it makes a much better story, I think, and that's the version told in this 1945 published copy. I NEED this one! Keep your fingers crossed that I get to own it one day.

In honor of my new camera and my love of the written word, I just wanted to make this nice little post about them and take some pictures to document their loveliness. Enjoy.

Fishers of Men

To preface: This post is really long, and I apologize. I hope you know I wouldn't write something so long if it didn't mean a great deal to me. And I think you will enjoy reading it, so give it a chance :).

I'm currently reading a series entitled, The Kingdom and the Crown (why can't you underline in blogs?). The first book is Fishers of Men. It is very good so far. I just finished reading a wonderful part- a main character in the novel, David ben Joseph, just told his son his personal account of a night 30 years before of Christ's birth. It got me thinking about a lot of things. It's 2:30 am, but my mind is working too much to sleep, so I wanted to write this now rather than in the morning.

Of least importance, I was thinking about this: we all know that Christ wasn't born in December. He was born during the time of Passover, which is in the spring. To my knowledge Passover has always been in the month of April, although the dates change from year to year depending on the Jewish calendar. This made me imagine what Christmas would be like if it was in April, actually during the time of Christ's birth, which is what we celebrate. We would still have candy canes, honoring and symbolizing the shepherds who saw the star, heard the angel, and sought the baby Jesus. We would still have evergreens as the base for which we hang often meaningful ornaments. But there would be no songs about a "White Christmas". No chill in the air. No images of snow covered cottages with smoke coming out of its chimney. No sleigh bell rides or people hurrying home through the cold night air wrapped in coats and gloves and scarves, carrying precious packages. No snow illuminating the landscape and being a beloved symbol of the Season... the Season of Christmas. How sad this image of Christmas looks in my mind. Because of all these things and for what it symbolizes, Christmas truly is "the most wonderful time of the year." How beautiful its image is to us in the dead of winter. Of course, if this holiday had always been in April we never would have known any better or missed a thing.

Then I started to think about the account that David was giving to his son in this novel. He had seen a man and a woman on a donkey at the door of an inn, inquiring about a place to stay the night, but after passing them thought no more about it. It being Passover season, the Holy City of Jerusalem was crawling with people from all over the country to celebrate. It's no surprise there was no room at the inn. But what if there was still a room? Perhaps the Innkeeper, rather than not caring as I think we often imagine, actually took pity on the poor, sick looking woman. Perhaps he knew, possibly influenced by the spirit as I hope I would have been in the presence of the mother of the son of God, that she needed somewhere private, away from the tumult and chaos, to spend the night and possibly give birth. What if he owned the stable, or sent them there out of the kindness of his heart? I hope I get to ask him one day.

David tells his son, Simeon, that he was in a shepherd's field that historical night at the beginning of Passover. He was awoken at around the second watch (in April that was probably at 10 pm or so). To use his words, "a brilliant light was illuminating the whole landscape around us. It was as thought it were midday." Out of this light an angel appeared, announcing glad tidings of great joy- that the Savior of the world was born that night in the city of David- a mere 6 miles south of where I will be living in the fall. David went and saw that baby, as the angel had said, lying in a lowly manger.

As I read this passage, I could strongly feel the testimony the author and previous General Authority, Gerald Lund, has about the story of the birth of Christ. I just briefly want to add my testimony to his. This is not just a story that we read about and passingly know and believe is true. It happened. Take a few minutes to really think about it and play out the situation in your mind. Our Savior and elder brother was born in Bethlehem, and an angel and a heavenly host announced his birth to the countryside that night. He lived and loved and taught. I know this with all of my heart. I hope you can understand the pull that Israel has on me and why I am excited beyond words. I will be living where these things happened. It is awesome and mindblowing beyond anything I can explain through speech. I cannot wait!

Within only the first 100 pages of this book I learned an incredible amount about Israel at the time of Christ. I've learned about the Romans and their influence on the entire area, the Zealots, the Jews, the Pharisees and the Saducees, the Gentiles and the Samaritans, and how they all relate to and feel about one another. I've remembered and newly learned more details and general geography of the Holy Land. I haven't learned so much so quickly from a novel in a long time. And did I mention it's really, really good? I highly recommend it to you my friends, many of which are avid readers. You will appreciate the story, the characters, and its message a great deal.

I originally wanted a beautiful picture of the BYU Jerusalem Center here, but could not get the picture to show up in this location. I'm sure there's a way. It just wouldn't do it for me. So you'll have to imagine it. And please forgive spelling or gramatical errors. It's now 3:30 in the morning... goodnight!

Does that mean Provo is my home if that's where my heart is?

For the first time, home feels weird. I'm restless. As far as my plans go: Finished one book. Check. Well on my way into re-reading The Half-Blood Prince. Hung out with Lauren, Ricky, and Cassie twice. Check. Going to the beautiful Oregon Coast tomorrow. Check.

My home ward felt so weird. None of my friends were there except Hannah. And Trent and my old Young Women's president. I'll have more in the future weeks when they're back from Idaho, Montana, Virginia, etc.... but today felt pretty depressing. I couldn't even sit through Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society with Hannah because she got the cool calling of being a Primary Teacher. My mom refuses to cook ever so my whole weekend of being home has consisted of eating pizza. Literally. I still haven't unpacked my things yet so my room is a disaster area, but at least it's my lovely, familiar room.

I just watched the A102 intro video that they made for ward prayer back in November. Those were the good old days when everyone was in Provo and we could hang out whenever, all the time.

I get to babysit Tuesday! And then Tuesday night hopefully I will be with Matt and Jon. That will definitely make me feel more at home. Then in the next week or so Matt, Hannah, and I will drive up to the Cascade Locks and do a gorgeous day hike starting at Eagle Creek. Can't wait :)

Anyways, I love all of you, my Provo friends! Don't forget about me while I'm so far away!

Summer Plans!

I've been thinking alot lately about the things I want to do while I'm home in Oregon. My thoughts are so jumbled that I figured it would be easier just to write them down on this.


-At least 10 hours of yardwork a week. That equals $90(having already taken out tithing) and will go to my Jerusalem fund.

-Call Rachel BEFORE I get home and tell her I want to babysit for her the rest of the summer. If she doesn't need me for some reason, I'll call her friend Angela who I originally babysat for during Junior and Senior years of highschool. They both have boy twins. Each set is the same age, and all four are good friends. It's fun! Sometimes I get to watch them all at once.... it can be a pain but they're better at minding me than you'd expect :)

-Play either the piano or my violin each day. If I feel like doing both, then great.

-Read: Jesus the Christ. Jerusalem, the Eternal City. Dune. Finish the Belgariad. Finish Tales from the 1001 Nights. Finish the Book of Mormon. Re-read The Half-Blood Prince before the movie comes out. Sounds like a lot, but if you know me, you know I can do it :)

-Don't put off playing with my highschool friends until the last few weeks I'm home. I did that last year. I will play at least 3 times a week. I have a car there, it shouldn't be too hard.

-Go to the beautiful Portland Temple at least twice.

-Go on at least one overnight backpacking trip with Hannah and Callie. With Hannah's dad. The three of us have learned to never go very far without a priesthood holder.

-Run at LEAST three times a week. I'm on a running high lately so I think I can do more than that. Jared told me everyone will gain around 10-15 lbs in Jerusalem... so if that happens, I'm going to make sure I'm not coming back weighing more than I do right now.

-Go on a bike ride with Hannah, Callie, Ricky, Jon, or Matt. Or all 5. We love each other :)

-Watch Scrubs season 8

-Go to the midnight showing of Harry Potter with aforementioned people... plus many others.

-Take a long weekend to visit Laura!

-Take a trip to the Oregon Coast to see my usual sights that I've been craving.

-Come back to Utah for Travis and Shannon's wedding??? You have no idea how serious I am about wanting to come...

-Make sure a weekend will work out for Laura to come visit me!

-Practice dance somehow, somewhere.

-Finish Zelda, Ocarina of Time

-Learn how to use my new, good, photography camera well. Have Hannah show me how to be artistic with it :)


That's all I can remember for right now. There are probably a few other things. Sorry this is so long and probably boring for everyone but me to read. I have two months starting this time next week. I probably won't have time to sleep, but it will be worth it! Ready, Set, GO!

Consistency, why so inconsistent?

I understand the importance of change, but I often find myself wishing it didn't have to happen. Sometimes things really were better before they changed. What's so wrong with that? Let other things change so we can progress and grow, and keep some things the same? And then, why does it always seem impossible to change back to how it was before the original change, even when that is what's best for everyone?

Can't we just go back to months and months ago where friendships were simpler, more relaxed, and just came so easily and felt so natural? Nothing was expected out of those friendships, just to enjoy the time spent together, getting to know each other better and love each other for what we could each bring into the innocent relationship. I guess that drama is almost always inevitable though. Sometimes that's just fine. You pull through and have a better, stronger relationship because of it.

But sometimes you don't. You go through the hurt of it, but sometimes you don't fully heal - coming full circle to my original thought.

Oh ye of little faith!

I was given a challenge a matter of minutes ago- The wonderful, fun, amazingly unforgettable men of Avenues apartment 123 think that since I won't be in the ward next year, even though I'll still be in the Elms, I won't ever come visit them. They told me to prove them wrong, and so I will!! Well, I will starting in January when I'm back. Laura, you're part of this challenge too :) Have a lovely Sunday all!

Why I love exercise

Except for slight dance frustrations, today has been good so far... I know it's only 11am, but it makes me optimistic for the rest of the day. I worked out extra hard today, and I'm satisfied with my current endurance level. It could still be much better, but I could run longer today without stopping than I've been able to in a while. And then instead of slacking off and only lifting weights for 15 minutes and doing little-to-no ab workouts, I did 30 minutes of weights and then lots of abs and stretching. Working out feels so good! It gets me in the mood to get things done.

So:

Today I'm hoping to get my food handler's permit, go to my advisor to plan class schedules for upcoming semesters, go to the ASL lab for an hour, go to ASL, and then go on a hopefully good date with Jeff! If I can clean my room and have a little time to read my book on top of it all then it will be perfect!

This post has no title (except for this)

This has been a pretty good weekend. I had my first team performance in Kaysville which was fun being able to go with my friends on team and spend some time hanging out with them. Our performance was a little rocky in places but hopefully that will have smoothed it out a bit for the social dance lab coming up in 2 1/2 weeks.

I finally have a roommate again! I'm so glad that Katie's back! Maybe now I'll more than occasionally leave my apartment if we do fun stuff. I just haven't had any reason to, you know?

I taught Gospel Doctrine today for the first time, and it went well! It better have.... I spent my free time friday night and saturday afternoon preparing for it! Anyway, I won't have to teach for another couple of weeks, and that will be my last time. I wouldn't mind doing it more though, it's not nearly as scary as I always thought it would be. It's actually kinda fun to have control over the class :)
Anyway, someone was busy stealing my roommate so I really didn't do anything today except take a long nap and watch The Nightmare Before Christmas. Which it turns out that I like. Yeah Tim Burton's weird, but there's something about it that I really enjoy. I think I do want to go see Coraline, no matter what anyone says!

So that was my weekend. I just thought I'd write something in a post since I haven't had one in a week!
By the way, keep your fingers crossed that everything will turn out fine with the Israel vs Iran conflict going on... there is definite potential for disaster, and we know what that means - no Jerusalem Center fall semester. BAD!!!! I mean, I hope they have peace and people don't die and everything, but I want to go!!

I don't say it enough

Thanks everyone for your efforts in my day of birth. I really appreciate all of you and for your friendship :) I have a really hard time accepting love from people these days, hence my unwillingness to let you do anything for me this weekend, but I appreciate it nontheless and I love all of you.

I have really good friends.

IT HAPPENED!!!

All I have to say for this post is....

I GOT INTO BYU JERUSALEM FOR FALL SEMESTER!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!

Of course everyone that reads this blog was already told by me, but still, it had to be done!

Random Musings

Today is Matt's birthday. He's turning 20 in Salzburg and then he comes home in two days. My birthday is next Sunday. I'm turning 20 in Provo and then I go home in 7 weeks. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

Speaking of Europe, I just want to know about Jerusalem already! (Yes, I know Israel is in the Middle East, not a European country, but you know.) The date given to be informed was May 15th. That's next friday! Ahhhh! So close yet so far.

I've decided I miss Firefly. I always tell people it's my favorite t.v. show, but I haven't rewatched even one episode in almost 5 months. What's up with that? What kind of a devoted, loving, unwavering fan am I? I realized the other day that I was starting to forget my favorite quotes, the mannerisms of the characters, even the characters real names. Needless to say, I'll be working on that this next week I hope.

I don't really have a purpose for this post except to procrastinate writing a talk, so I'm just typing whatever is going through my head. And right now that is: "Wow, stop wasting time. You'll be glad later if you just work on your talk now, so post this and focus!"
On that note, have a lovely Saturday all.

John's and my Cinco De Mayo party turned out great! A LOT of people from the ward showed up, more than I thought would come. My brothers also came, my friend Sarah and her (kind of) boyfriend, and my friends Rafe and Andre. I made tres leches, John made guacamole and a 7 layer dip-type-thing, we had good drinks, and lots of quesadillas. Not to mention the pinata which always sets up a good time!
After everyone left I stayed at Ave 123 with John, Tyler, and Bob, and we watched the first episode of Planet Earth. I love that documentary. Just about every second of footage is something incredibly beautiful, whether it's the most barren of deserts or the greenest of forests. Nature takes my breath away.

My friend Matt that I mentioned previously called me yesterday. I knew that he was in Barcelona, but not that he was all alone. He called me at 3:30 am his time and he was walking back to his hostel. I was a little nervous when he said he wasn't walking with anybody and that he had just gotten out of a dangerous section of the city... but he made it back ok :) I was SO happy to talk to him and hear his voice for the first time in 8 1/2 months. It totally made my week. Matt has a way of making you feel special. Maybe that's why he's my favorite guy in the world!

Pretty pictures

I just want to throw a shoutout for my recently rediscovered favorite website. I forgot about it until last week, and it took me until today to remember the name... but I finally did! It's digitalblasphemy.com. There are really cool images on it. If you look around all the free links you'll find lots of neat pictures that you can save. They make good desktop backgrounds and such. Enjoy!

Yay!

So despite the fact that I was not able to find a guy to add 382 with me, Curt still added me. He's so nice! Totally made my day. That also means I have 6 credits now and I can workout in the Fieldhouse for free! Woohoo! I can't decide what I want to do tonight. Hang out at A102 like usual and play with Josh's iTouch or my N64? Watch Son of Rambow with Ave 123? Catch up on the last month and a half of Lost? So many options...
I have training tomorrow afternoon for BYU Catering. I can't wait to start working and earning money!
One of my closest friends from home, Matt, gets back next Monday from almost a year in Europe. Well, since the beginning of September. I can't WAIT to see him when I get back to Salem. He's one of those people that immediately brightens my day. I can't be sad around him. Maybe that's why I miss him so much right now?

What if I say please?

Curt told me today that he can't add me into gold standard. BUT- he said if I bring a guy then he might. So I asked every guy in the 285 class the next hour and one guy will come if he can audit.... Curt said to bring him tomorrow and he'll talk to him, I'm assuming just to make sure that he'll actually come everyday. So it's not for sure, but cross your fingers. I really really REALLY want that class! I'll know tomorrow around 8 am.
I think dancing has kept me sane the last few months. Thank goodness for the fun complexities of body movement!

Worth it

So I went to the RB this morning at 6:30 to be there a little early to warm up for team auditions. I felt I did pretty bad in the actual audition... I really just hate american cha cha and the technique is just awkward and weird looking. I don't like it. Anyway, I was hoping my waltz would redeem me but my partner led me into something (instead of the streamline) right after the open rolls that I totally wasn't expecting, which threw me off (I should have been following better, but what partner seriously tricks you on auditions?!) Anyway by the time we recovered the music stopped. Crap. But obviously I looked ok enough because I made it! I know it's easier to get on spring team, but I'm pretty excited that I can finally be on a BYU ballroom team! :) It's at 7 AM every morning.... but it's worth it!

I had ASL today too. She let us out early. My teacher is deaf, which is probably the best way to learn but it's weird to never hear her speak. I'm going to have to practice a LOT for that class because it's not reallysomething I can refer back to in a text book later. I have to remember how she showed us how to do a certain word. But I think it's going to be really fun! AND.... I got an awesome three hour nap today between class and got authorized by BYU student employment to work for catering, so it's been a good day so far!
I think Vance is bringing the chess board he made me for Christmas over today and we're going to play a game later :) I have cool brothers.

Caved

I'm finally starting my very own blog. Thanks for the motivation Katie and Laura!
All I want to say right now is.... I'm excited to work for BYU Catering and to audition for spring team tomorrow! (even if it is at 7 am every day....)